Dance Etiquette
Simple Guidelines for Social Dance and Dance Classes that enrich the dance experience for everyone.
A social dancer is going to meet many people at events, parties and dance classes. We often act in ways that come naturally to us which may be fine with close friends and family but not necessarily appropriate in social situations. Sometimes we do things and act in ways that might be frowned upon and we don’t even know it. We often do well intentioned things like offer unsolicited advice (bad idea by the way) but it can actually result in negative responses. Hence these guidelines that may bring to light some things you or others are doing and should be addressed.
Question: If there are two people standing at the edge of a dance floor, making themselves available for a dance, and one was neatly dressed and groomed with a pleasant smile but never danced before. The other with wrinkled clothes and a dour expression but is a first class dancer. Who do you think will get more partners?
Just being a good dancer will not necessarily get you many partners if you dress poorly, have garlic breath, or smell sweaty from a workout. If you don’t present yourself well, you may not even get a chance to share your dance skills.
Each dance has its own culture so it is always a good idea to dress according to the customs of each dance. If you are not sure, try wearing slacks and a nice shirt or a simple dress. Jeans and t-shirts are an option after you get to know the crowd you are joining. Once you get to know the scene dress appropriately.
It is also good to consider comfort and safety when choosing your garment. You don’t want loose items that can move out of control or too tight garments that make you hot and sticky in no time. Good rule of thumb: keep it simple whenever you can.
Avoid wearing:
- Loose fitting clothing that can get in the way when you are trying to reach around each other.
- Easily wrinkled fabrics that make you look like you slept in them after just a few songs.
- Strapless dresses that can fall down.
- Short sleeved and shoulder less garments that expose too much skin. Nobody likes to feel damp sweaty skin.
- Running shoes, Birkenstocks, work boots, vinyl soled dress shoes. Anything with rubber soles or marking soles are not appropriate. Soft, leather soled dress shoes are good but proper dance shoes are ideal. (Note the hint here.)
- Loose jewelry can get in the way.
- Leads - If you need to keep your keys in pocket, use the left one so you don’t hit your partner with them .
Do a body check before coming to a dance or class. Did you…
Eat a meal with garlic and the like? Mints are a no-brainer here but chewing gum when dancing with a partner can be distracting to say the least so avoid chewing gum.
Sweaty from work or the gym? Lift your arm and take a whiff if you dare! Keep a fresh shirt and deodorant on hand if you can’t get to a shower between work and dancing. You will get many more dance partners by thinking ahead.
Got long hair? Tie it back so it does not whip your partner in the face.
***Remember to check yourself again during a dance as well.
A social event has people from all walks of life, ages and skill levels. A great variety of music and you may not like all the songs. The halls are often old and look rundown. But the point of the event is to have fun and, no matter how much effort is put into the ambience of the party, only you can determine if you will have a good time.
Be gracious and friendly. Good eye contact and a pleasant smile will contribute to a great time.
An invitation to a dance is not just the domain of men anymore. More and more women are asking men to dance and rightly so. Use the following tried and true pointers:
When approaching someone for a dance invitation, walk straight to the person with a smile and direct eye contact. This person may be with a group so you want to make sure that everyone knows who you are asking.
Be cognizant of who the person is sitting with. It could be his/her significant other and they may be enjoying a private moment. Make sure the person is available to dance before approaching.
When asking for a dance, it is easiest to stay with traditional phrases:
- ``May I have this dance?''
- ``May I have this Waltz/Rumba/Foxtrot/etc.''
- ``Would you like to dance?''
- ``Care to dance?''
- ``Shall we dance?''
Do not monopolize a partner. Ask many people do dance it is a social event after all.
Turning Down a Dance Invitation
Ideally, you should accept as many offers as possible. It is the only way to know who are most compatible with your dance style and level. You just don’t know until you try and you will be surprised. Look around at the next dance and see how many young people are dancing with older folks. You will find many and it may not only be because the elder can dance well but understands the value of good etiquette and everyone knows it!
When turning down the invitation be gracious and thankful and tell the person you are sitting this song out AND do sit it out. It is a true insult to turn one person down only to get up and dance the same song with someone else.
When your invitation is declined
Don’t take it personally! It may be a shock to your ego but you don’t really know why someone turned you down so don’t assume the worst. Just smile and say something like “Another time perhaps” then stand tall and move on.
Having said this, if you get repeated declines, you may have to look to yourself and see if there is anything like grooming, attitude, dance style that you may need to work on. Do a reality check.
With traveling dances, move in line of dance along the perimeter of the dance floor or stay closer to the middle when doing figures.
Generally dance floors are busy so you must really be aware of those around you. Make collision avoidance a priority and ensure you have some steps in your repertoire that allow you to move quickly to get out of the way of those who are not watching where they are going.
Make sure there is ample room to make expressive movements otherwise keep things closed.
Move with the pace of the other dancers. Go with the flow without disrupting it.
If the floor is too busy simply stay off the floor every couple songs to let others dance. This way, everyone has ‘elbow room’.
While the above may sound complicated to the novice dancer, it gradually becomes second nature.
This one is for you accomplished dancers. If you dance at a higher
skill level than your partner then dance at his/her level. Don’t
try and execute movements the person doesn’t know as it only
results in confusion and frustration. Dance education is for classes
and practice time not social events.
Never blame a partner for missed execution of figures. Once in a
social dance I accidentally overheard a novice couple, where the lady
said: ``I can do this step with everyone but you!'' The fact that
she was wrong (I had seen her other attempts) is irrelevant. The point
is that she was unkind and out of line. Even if the gentleman were
at fault, saying something like that helps no one and is ungracious.
Regardless of who is at fault when a dancing mishap occurs, both parties
are supposed to smile and go on. This applies to the better dancer
in particular, who bears a greater responsibility. Accepting the blame
is especially a nice touch for the gentleman. But at the same time,
do not apologize profusely. There is no time for it, and it makes
your partner uncomfortable.
Consider this: a misstep is an error. Errors can be very good if people
choose to learn from them. If you always blame instead of being constructive
or polite, your partner will definitely learn that s/he does not like
dancing with you.
Unsolicited Advice (A really really bad idea!!)
A student (let’s call her Lisa) complained to me one day that she was at a dance and three different partners started telling her what they believed she was doing wrong. One even said that she was a terrible follow. (How’s this for bad etiquette?)
Lisa has been dancing for six months and has little experience with dancing at social events. She went to the event to get practice in but was devastated by insensitive leads. We have been working at rebuilding her confidence ever since.
Look, dancing is about communicating with your body. If your partner is doing something wrong try to lead/follow with your body, not your mouth. It will only serve to improve your skill. It is just 3 minutes that will go by much more easily if you follow the common sense guidelines.
Giving unsolicited advice can only serve to confuse especially if it conflicts with what they are being taught or, what if they are getting unsolicited advice from other partners that conflict with what you just said? Can you see how this leads to problems? You may think you are helping but you are not.
If you get unsolicited advice just say politely: ‘Thank you but I prefer to be taught by my teacher.’
This is just as important in the class setting. Good teachers spend years and thousands of dollars with training, coaching and practice so they can do their job. In a class setting there will always be students who know a little more than others. Fair enough but there is no sense in getting instruction from a teacher then practicing what was just taught only to get more unsolicited instruction from a fellow student.
If something is not working call the teacher over to help or, even better ask the question in front of the group so everyone can benefit from the answer.
Please try to remember to not give unsolicited advice but, don’t worry, if you forget we’ll be happy to remind you.
Did your Partner Enjoy the Dance?
People join social events, clubs and the like to be – well
– social! So be gracious, smile, and always thank your partner
for the dance even if you didn’t enjoy it. Ensuring your partner
enjoys the dance is the priority. If you are in a bad mood, leave
it at the door or stay home. Had a tough tiring day? The dance will
help you unwind but only if you let it.
A dour mood is easily recognized and felt by others and word will
get out about you then you will not get many partners.
Keep your ego in check. It can really get in the way of a good time.
Remember, if your partner is not as experienced as you, dance at his
or her level.
- Etiquette is here to ensure everyone has a good time in a social dance setting, so pay attention to it.
- Your outfit and accessories should be comfortable, safe, and also reflect the culture and level of formality of the dance group. Most importantly, do not forget your dance shoes.
- Ask many people to dance. Do not monopolize one partner for the whole night.
- Today's beginners will be the good dancers of tomorrow, so be nice and supportive.
- Do not decline a dance unless you absolutely have to. Having declined a dance, you should not dance the same song with someone else.
- Be considerate of other couples on the floor. Exercise good floor craft. Do not cut other couples off. No aerials or flamboyant steps on the social dance floor. There is no room!
- Stationary dancers (e.g. Swing dancers) stay in the middle, traveling dancers move on the boundary along the line of dance.
- Avoid patterns that your partner cannot do: dance to the level of your partner.
- Never blame your partner for missteps.
- No unsolicited teaching on the floor!
- Smile, be warm, be personable, and be nice.
If you have encountered any etiquette examples that should be addressed here, please do not hesitate to email us with your story.